FURTHER TALES FROM COURT NUMBER 3

So anyway there I am doing some light stretching next to court 3 in my fashionable new Dunlop Green Flash daps while I wait for John Craven to arrive after his Newsround and who should be on court 4 but Giant Haystacks playing against Meatloaf. For such a big man that Giant Haystacks couldn’t half move around the court and he was giving Meatloaf a tuning. When they stopped for a drink I went over to Meatloaf and just mentioned that Giant Haystacks had some amazing deft touches and was finishing every shot off with aplomb. Meatloaf said "I've been running around like a bat outta hell and you took the words right outta my mouth" and I said "It mustuv been while he was beating you." Giant Haystacks didn’t like it one bit cos he thought I was trying to give Meatloaf some coaching tips so he picked me up swung me around and pretended to throw me. But as he was putting me down I slipped and fell on my left arm. I had to play against John right-handed. He beat me easily.

REMEMBER if a Giant like this drops you on your playing arm you say 'Thanks Sir!'

Even though Meatloaf made a comeback Haystacks beat him. As this was a knock out I tried to console Meatloaf by singing softly in his ear "2 outta 3 ain’t bad" meaning the score in sets to Haystacks.

Although Meat was in mean mood he was no match for Haystacks

John put his arm around Meat and gave him a hug. I thought that was nice and that his arm would never go all the way round. I think John beat me because of his long arms.I joked to John that he could star in his own programme where he interviews celebrities with his arm around them and call it
'John Craven's Armround.' John laughed and said he'd take the idea to the programme commissioner at the BBC.

In the bar after Giant Haystacks couldn’t have been more apologetic about dropping me on my playing arm.He felt so bad he offered me his two tickets to see ‘My Fair Lady’ in the Bristol Hippodrome. I didn’t accept cos I had booked to play Midge Ure on that particular that night. (Pinning Midge down to a definite date on court is always a nightmare.) I just thought I pity anyone who has to sit behind Haystacks in the theatre. John said he wouldn’t have been happy if he’d gone to the theatre that night too. bs

Footnote:

John Craven took the 'John Craven's Armround' idea to the BBC but it never got commissioned. Infact he blames me directly for losing his prime postion on Newsround as the BBC thought he'd gone totally tonto. I've never paired with him in doubles since. If John is reading this - 'Sorry mate it was just an idea.'
I nearly thought up Big brother you know!
n.b if you look at the above photo closely you can see that John has longer than average arms and that I wasn't making it up. He had to have special shirts made!

I did think up these tho -
www.teachingandallthat.blog.co.uk
www.perchingandallthat.blog.co.uk
The BBC wanted them but I said that I'd never let them have them after what they did to John. So there!

Why not come back again and discover what happened when I played the boys from Duran Duran!